Relationship Boundaries.

My husband and I have a healthy, beautiful relationship. However, neither of us came out of the womb being Jedi masters in what it takes to have a great relationship. Meeting later in life, we both experienced lots of practice of what didn't work in relationships before blending and strengthening our own.

We all have different filters that shape how we view things. I grew up with siblings and come from a family of five girls. My parents were almost 40 when I came around. My husband is an only child, and his parents were in their late teens when he was born.

One of us is extroverted, and one of us is introverted.

Not to mention the different wiring of a male and female brain.

Our filters are quite different.

While we are opposites in many areas and often have different viewpoints, we've had to work on our communication, so each of us feels heard.

With grace, bits of patience, and practice, it got easier.

Whenever people with extreme opposing opinions differ and start arguing, there are always emotions underneath. And when highly triggered, it's usually a trauma response.

One person's trigger can set off the other person's trigger. And nothing gets resolved in the heat of the moment.

You often won't know what's driving the person's flare-up but know that fighting them back or holding a stance against them isn't necessarily going to help.

In the shit storm, when emotions are high, you probably won't get to the bottom of things, and they sure in the heck won't want you to point out what's wrong with them.

It might help you to unhook a little faster if you realize this is a battle with someone's emotional makeup that has nothing to do with you. It's likely something that runs deep.

You may be aware of that for yourself. However, keep in mind many people haven't necessarily taken the deep dive at this point in their journey. Be mindful that we are all at different stages in our "growth" journey. Not better, just different.

While it helps to have compassion, and self-awareness you also want to have some necessary boundaries.

Hold space or love from a distance. And be careful not to let their high tide of emotions take you under their tsunami.

You don't want to lose yourself, and rescuing someone who isn't ready or who can't see their wave of a shit storm won't serve you or the other person.

I find things work themselves out when I allow the water to settle down naturally without forcing it.

Be love, and more importantly, give yourself love. Remember, the oxygen mask goes on YOU first!
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To your success,
Francine xo