Finding the gift in a hot mess!

When the world shut down in the spring of 2020, I recall conversing with God about surrendering and asking what it would take to dissolve the imbalanced EGO structure.


Nope, I wasn't bored. Nope, I wasn't losing my mind, who knows, perhaps a little - like most everyone else on the planet during such a tumultuous time.

I was diving deep at this time and felt very spiritually connected and curious, as I still do - yet I felt a more profound calling to deal with some of my past wounds that were starting to surface by life's ultimate shutdown.

So much of what we thought we were in control of got yanked.

What came through about dissolving the imbalanced EGO was letting go of control because we're safe. So this meant I needed to trust. Taping into a safe place when most of the world was taping into fear - I thought, okay, I have a few tools. I can do this.

Let's dissolve some EGO.

I surrender!

What I've learned is it's never about making the EGO wrong. It's about understanding its role and knowing it's the servant, not the master. It can be a great ally—more about that later.

Back to surrendering...

Most of my life prompts come through in the morning as I meditate and journal. My first assignment with journaling was to let go of burdens. The "extra stuff" that causes unnecessary stress and anything that takes away from tapping into a harmonious life.

A deeper part of myself knew shit would soon hit the fan and get shaken up. Holy cow, what did I agree to!?

I knew I still had attachments and needed to let go of more control in some areas of my life.

I know myself well enough that my EGO would not love this, so I needed to dive deeper into my inner child and make her feel safe so my ally would back off a bit.

So I did.

Many suppressed emotions started surfacing, and I didn't love it.

It hurt.

I was an emotional hot mess for months until I stopped running from my emotions. Running from my feelings and myself by avoiding what needed my attention - the shamed parts that felt unloved by ME. The outcasts  I tucked away and hoped never came out. I call these the shadow parts of ourselves.

The first shadow to come out was the 7-year-old girl who got teased for being too skinny in school - I made her wrong and shamed her. And I made her ugly. Being different in my youth meant something was wrong with me. That's what I told myself anyway. The truth is her frame was designed perfectly for her and her essence. God, the divine, doesn't mess up. So once she got my attention, I started to acknowledge her and gave her the love she didn't get from ME all those years. It's never about seeking it outside of ourselves for healing, yet it tends to be the prompt for most of us until we know better and do the work.

I released quite a bit in a year.

As 2020 passed and we entered 2021 and 2022, more of my world got shaken.

Just in case I was holding on to anything, the universe decided to yank more.

Not to mention losing my late husband in May of 2022 to a traumatic event. Yet, losing him made everything else seem like small stuff.

Practicing gratitude for the past decade helped me look for the good and even the gift in the journey.

Letting go led me to find more of me. When you lose so much, you realize what's important in life. It's not the cars. It's not a beach condo. It's not the trips. It's not any of the stuff.

When the veil gets lifted, and you begin to see things more transparent with what aligns with your essence - it's a game changer.

Losing Jacques, my late husband, to suicide put so much in perspective on what really matters. His death was a wake-up call and a nudge for me to do more profound work, to turn my pain into something useful. To serve others, yet to always give to me first. It's necessary to fill our cup foremost for a healthy journey. And sometimes, it takes discipline, yet discipline is self-love.

You won't always get it right, and that's okay. It's more about getting back in the game when you have a bump in the road that throws you off course.  

You and I have too much to offer to allow the mega bumps to keep us down.

Our light is meant to shine. When life squeezes us, it breaks us for the light to come out. Life always gives us opportunities to deal with our past wounds to heal. Everything is love, even though it doesn't seem like it when you're in the thick of it.

Trust me, I know!

As I continue to do the work I've discovered on this journey, the imbalanced EGO naturally dissolves as we heal.

And because God is all about love, we face growth opportunities daily.

When you're uncomfortable, it's a life prompt. The clues are all around us when we wake up.

Recognizing everything you've ever been looking for is already within you is the ultimate welcome home party. 

Francine xo