Some days are Intense!

Yesterday was intense! 

From out of the blue, I could feel a deep pain surfacing up in me, emotional pain. 

It felt like grief. 

My brain wanted to go straight into trying to figure out why it was happening, problem-solve it, and collect data to avoid what brought it on in the first place so it doesn't happen again. 

Instinctively, I wanted to distract, so let's call people and get our minds off this pain now!! 

While that isn't a wrong solution, it's just a temporary fix. 

Healing is often mistaken for getting rid of, yet I see it as more of taking a break. 

And sometimes, that's what our body is calling out for. A break!

I get it. 

Yet, when we're aware of how we feel in the moment and feel safe, we can release the worries and stress from thinking about the past or future.

When I felt heavy yesterday, taking a break for the rest of the day would have been okay, but the energy would have just been resting within me. 

Watching a good movie on Netflix, calling a good friend, or sharing a space with another person - it's right back. 

In trauma recovery, for instance, we don't erase the trauma. We're showing our body that it's not present anymore.

I'm the first to admit I have often used the word "healing" without knowing what else I could replace it with until now. And if it makes sense to use it occasionally, then I'm open to doing so with more clarity. 

So when I show up to heal, I usually seek to remove something in me. I want to get rid of what doesn't feel good. I'm not learning to love myself right now. 

It's a concept of doing away with for me, and that is not a reality for my body. 

It's about INTEGRATING these parts by relating to them. By saying "this all belongs in me" and not being at war with parts of yourself. 

Resting in your body, which holds both pleasure and anxiety and finding ground are the most radical things you can do.  

Back to yesterday...

The pain naturally released itself as I felt it within my body instead of distracting myself, which is what I instinctively wanted to do. 

I began practicing becoming more present in my body a few years ago and learning more as I go.

Again...it's about INTEGRATING these parts by relating to them.

Perhaps we need to shift from trying to heal and begin feeling. Feeling and then being with what's there. 

In other words, let's stop rejecting and start accepting all parts of ourselves. That's how we begin to feel alive again. 

We're not here to NOT feel. 

Aliveness is all of it, yet with the ability to accept yourself as you are, not reject yourself. 

As always, it's a gentle process, and LOVE is a key ingredient in this recipe.