How boundaries can transform your relationships for the better

Do you know how to say, "I'm done!" when you had enough?

In your own way, when you feel pressured or overwhelmed. 

I know I didn't. 

I was unaware for many years.

I allowed emotions to bubble up and often felt more anxious about the thought of even expressing them. 

What if I offend the other person, and then that makes me feel like shit? 

So yeah, it was not only about how this would make them feel; the bigger deal was avoiding what I didn't want to feel. 

When I realized I was doing this a few years ago, it was quite the light bulb moment of OMG, I do this all the darn time!

And if something DID come out, it was usually a hot mess of my wounded inner 5-year-old coming out to express itself by being highly emotionally triggered. 

At least it expressed itself, yet reacting rather than coming from a grounded place didn't exactly accomplish what I wanted to convey to the other person; it often made things worse. 

Your body tells you when you've had enough. 

It constricts and becomes nauseous, feels pressure, or overwhelmed. 

These subtle yet easy-to-miss cues from your body say, "I'm done!" 

However, many of us weren't taught how to express our true feelings. So, instead of telling what's really going on inside, we tend to stuff our emotions or blame something else. Then, we go into our caves to avoid all the messy feelings that bubble up. 

We do this instead of saying "I'm done" in our instinctive way. 

When stuffing, I overrode my body's cue and put up with the experience, letting my body take a hit instead. It resulted in me being depleted and needing to recover. 

For me, it happened almost every time I interacted with certain family members. Not because I didn't love them but because I did love them a lot. Yet, I didn't want the inner conflict. Coming from a big Cajun family with big personalities can sometimes take work to be heard.

I also experienced going into my cave a few months after the loss of my late husband; getting questioned about his death by a random stranger would catch me off guard and put me into a tailspin of emotional overwhelm, so I avoided social gatherings for a while until I felt ready. 

Our body is incredibly intelligent and has a remarkable ability to recognize its needs.

Who teaches this stuff? No one in my inner circle growing up, that's for sure. Let's face it: until recently, hardly anyone openly discussed it. 

Through my journey, I've learned that you can shift to a more harmonious and healthy life when you become aware and better understand your body and nervous system. 

As I learned that boundaries were about what I needed, it became easy to express them. 

If I were thirsty and needed water, I would drink it. So why would I not tell a friend or family member I was too drained to do something with them?

It's about learning to tune into your body and listening for the cues; when this happens, we become better communicators instead of blamers. 

There are many feelings about the word "Boundary." It works for some people; for others, it sounds harsh. 

So, what if we considered a boundary simply a way of expressing a need or feeling instead? 

By doing so, you learn how to express your needs and feelings. 

Wouldn't we have deeper connections with those who respected our needs? 

Wouldn't we have fewer health issues because we allow ourselves to express ourselves? 

Wouldn't we have a more joyful life because we were less fearful? 

Food for thought!